Can you relate:-Living with an unchristian spouse?

Maureen

New Member
Is there any of you can relate to this thread at all I would very much love to hear your stories or am I the only one living this life?
I have 2 sons at home, 20yrs and 26yrs, one is separated from his wife although they see much of each other as they have 2 sons, 7yrs and 3months old, they just can't seem to live together, the other one is single, then there's my husband who as I've said earlier drinks smokes and uses bad language, he has been under conviction twice since I have become a Christain but then it went no further, he has been to church with me a few times but gets the 'guilt' trip and doesn't like that so he rarely goes.
I find it's not easy, I'm by no means tempted to live his life as I once did, no way, but I would love so much for him to know about our Lord, but I know it will only happen in the Lord's time and not mine.
Anyone relate?
 

thorn

New Member
hello Maureen. My husband is not a Christian. We were both brought up Catholics but because of problems, we both left at various times, he before we met and me 22 years ago. God didn't let go of me however and after 7 years missing being in real contact with Him, found Him again.I am now a non denominaional Christian and life would not be the same without God.
But my husband was too disillusioned and cannot bring himself to come to God. I dont think he doesnt believe in God, but he cannot trust 'religion' any more.
He drinks too much....although for health reasons he isn't drinking at the moment (thats an answer to my proayer) and he used to spend fortunes on Cigars but now only smokes a pipe (another answer to prayer)
He uses awful language but this is just a bad habit from mixing with his work mates. He has now reired so I see signs of this getting less.(yet another answer to prayer)
He is in general a good man. He hates no one and I have never known him to tell a lie.
But there is no way....he says...he will ever join me in my walk with God.
I used to get really angry with him and he used to hit back by ridiculing my belief, calling me things like a 'Christian B***h. I realised I was banging my head against a brick wall and backed off. Since then things have improved. He will not attend Church with me but comes to church functions and now that he is no longer drinking, he enjoys them. Believe me this is a big breakthrough as he wouldn't associate with any of my Christian friends a few years ago. We have been married for 35 years. I never start a conversation about God but we find we talk about such things more and more often....only when he brings it up. When it sounds as if he is getting arguementative about it I change the subject. I have learned patience in this matter over the years. In fact, waiting on Gods timing takes a lot of patience in every situation. His timing is not ours and he always does things or allows things to happen just at the right time.
Don't give up on your husband.Keep on praying and pleading with God for his help but you must believe and thank him for his grace in this matter as if he has already answered your prayer. Don't push your husband or even worry about him. Leave him in Gods hands. Don't interfere but act in accordance to Gods promptings. If He wants your help He will let you know.
Relax, take it easy and don't worry. You are more likely to win him over by being laid back and easy about your Christian walk. If it looks as if its a constant struggle then it won't appear attractive...why would he want to join something that makes you unhappy....not that I am saying this is your attitude but it can appear like that with some people sometimes.
I've been where you are and have now moved on a bit. It was worse when my 3 boys were living at home. None of them are Christian either. Before they moved I felt under pressure from all sides. They all have their own places now and when we do discuss spiritual things they actually listen to my point of view.....maybe because they are now more mature.
You are not alone. There are many women and men in the same position.
Hope my point of view helps a bit
Love
Mary
 

Toneboy

Administrator
Staff member
My wife is saved, but I lived with non-Christians at University. My fault for becoming a Christian during a summer holiday!

I know the ways that they can get you down. It really isn't too pleasant. I found the support of Christian friends to be invaluable - I'd come home every three weeks or so to get a break, something which I understand isn't the answer in a marriage.

BTW, I'm moving this to General Christian Discussion. It's more appropriate there.
 

Phocas

New Member
My wife was converted a month before I was (this was in 1972) and though I did not like the message she gave me regarding my sins etc I could not deny that she had something I lacked - a new found inner peace and a face that glowed, she also stopped swearing and so on.

We lived a wonderful life in god - we gave away our house and all our possessions and set off from home trusting God for everything (we had 3 children under 5 and it was the end of November). We ended up living in a town in the north of England, running a Free Shop in our own house which we sort of acquired by miraculous leading. We travelled Europe living in a tent with 4 children and had all kinds of adventures. Having a faithful partner with a similar outlook on God and Jesus was such a blessing - it opened doors and opportunities for faith living that bordered on the heavenly at times.

Then, in 1980 (or thereabouts) my wife turned her back on faith and the family and I was left to bring up our six children as a lone parent. I do not think it is the best thing when believers and unbelievers are married. There are too many stresses and tensions - that said, if one is married to an unbeliever then one has to do the best one can.

After all, our faith is not (really one hundred percent) about 'belief' but about obedience to Jesus's teachings. People all over the world claim to 'believe' in Jesus but their actions prove them to be false.

We have to love one another, forgive, give, lend, share and not 'believe' a hundred and one strange ideas simultaneously and try to ram those ideas down someone else's throat - as some christians try to do and fail.

I would not consider a looking for a partner who was not truly engrossed in following Jesus's teachings - it would not work - pure and simple. I have had girlfriends who were unbelievers and the compromises I would have had to make to continue the relationship were a price too high to pay.

My spiritual co-walker has a wife who does not 'believe' and Ian has been held back considerably by her lack of faith - that said, he has grown in other ways as a result of the patience he needs to develop so it's swings and roundabouts.

All in all - God is completely in control and completely close and interested in every aspect of our lives - He will make the best out of every dilemma we have.
 
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